Funny Short Story

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She nodded quickly, and he shifted in his recliner, sending vibrations resounding around the hovel. �Sweet thing, come closer so Herbie can see you, honey.� Wendy gulped uncomfortably and moved closer to the scourge, which was a bad idea.
It was sickening, being this close. The scourge was wearing just a red sequined thong, which was protruding dangerously tight in the front, threatening to split at any moment. He had exactly four long greasy hairs on the top of his bald head, and hair grew in oddly shaped patches on his legs and chest. His nipples were pierced with safety pins, and rolls of fat hung off his body. He weighed three hundred pounds. He had a long sparsely haired goatee in the Fu Manchu style. Bits of moldy food were hanging at various places on the goatee. His eyes were beady and calculating. He had thin wet lips, which he licked constantly. He also wore a pair of shocking pink and dirty brown argyle socks pulled up to his calves. His nose was more of a pig ...

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