Personal Reflections

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They have helped to shape who I am today.
How do you grieve someone you hardly knew, but who is supposed to mean so much?? I have postponed the grief some what through alcohol and drug use and avoidance. He did mean something to me because when we came home from school, in seventh grade, that day in January, I was shocked when Mom declared, "you're father is dead." What do you mean?! What happened?! What do you mean he's dead?! Then the tears started to come and the "oh my God's-" the utter shock. They told me it was a burglary but that is not what happened. The truth was withheld from me. He was actually taking advantage of two young male prostitutes. Risky behavior, that's for sure. What do you mean male?! What do you mean prostitutes?! I was humiliated! It was years later that I got this news. The whole scene was embarrassing. I thought everyone knew from the newspaper but the whole story was not in the newspaper due to plea bargaining.
Back to the seventh grade when this ...

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no one I knew talked about problems, nor supported each other except the cheerleaders!
The importance of empathic friends in my life today is priceless. I would not do without the recognition of growth, warmth and affection, the reminders of strengths, and the respect of my courage and sense of determination along with all the other goodies that come from such a friend. I have also tried to be this kind of friend. I have discontinued those destructive relationships from my drinking and drugging days. Those days brought me nothing but being able to avoid my grief.
Another two forms of self-love I use now are first, a technique I learned from my therapist, looking in the mirror and ...

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