Silence the Past

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wretched day. How could I forget? I drove home, there was no traffic as usual; There was nothing as usual. I arrived at 5 p.m. and opened my cupboard, and there it was, my salvation. Two solid grams of cocaine. I smoked a line, then two and then three. Drugs were my everything; it helped ease the pain, helped ease my life. It was the only time I could escape from the crushing force that is reality. I couldn’t stop thinking about what Doris said this afternoon. “This is your punishment for risking your life as well as the lives of your fellow officers.” It lingered in my mind like a stain on a white shirt. I then lay down and recalled– no– re-lived that experience.

***

Fifteen years prior, Carlos was my best friend. We were 10 when we first met. It was during Cinco de Mayo, and myz mama decided to take my sister and I to the fiesta in La Condesa, Mexico City. My sister, Hana, lit up with joy when she gazed at the spinning teacups. I refused to go on the spinning ...

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you looking for your sister and mother?” asked Carlos as he finally caught up to me.

“Where are they! Don’t… don’t tell me they–”

Carlos interrupted me mid-speech. “I’m sorry mi amigo. They didn’t make it,”

I sat on the floor in disbelief. I felt blue. I watched the T.V. that was placed in the waiting room, “Hundreds of people dead during the bomb blast at the La Condesa Cinco de Mayo fiesta.” The headline glared at me, it mocked me for not being strong enough.

“I could’ve done something! I could’ve saved them! Mama! Hana!” I screamed angrily while crying.

“There was nothing that you could’ve done, it was a bomb blast. Be ...

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